This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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