never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
