Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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