i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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