omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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