I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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