my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've blown a few things in my day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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