If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
