Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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