Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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