Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
