thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
