You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
