Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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