Me. At least after what I've been through.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
