i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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