I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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