I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
