she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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