i jhust puked up my retainher.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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