You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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