Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
