my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
