saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
