Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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