I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
