My cat gives me a boner
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
