Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
