She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
