Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
