i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
