yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
