im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
well you can't waste a boner
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
