It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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