I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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