I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
