have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
