Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
