I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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