The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
