apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
