You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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