Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
