the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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