very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
