im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
