I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
