cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
