Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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