Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
