absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
