Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
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